It's Just a Matter of Respect

I had a long conversation on Sunday night with someone I've loved all of my life. And it was somewhat of a role reversal, where I was the advisor listening to all of his/her problems. As I was listening I could tell it was a release of so much frustration going on in his/her life, and whether I felt like being attentive or not, it needed to happen. He/She has been going through it with their wife/husband. The significant other had disrespected he/she by calling them out of their name. At that point I couldn't continue to listen, I had to immediately interject "What? Wait a minute, how do you even get to a point in your marriage where that occurs?". In my mind, disrespecting someone by calling them out of their name shows not only a lack of intelligence but a lack of respect...PERIOD, no if ands or buts. He/She did admit that they too have called their significant other out of their name as well, and at that point I could not refrain from speaking my peace. I told him/her that no matter how far someone else in the relationship goes in regards to disrespect, it is his/her responsibility to maintain their sense of integrity in spite of their circumstance. And these are adults, so childish things like name calling just shouldn't even happen, let alone between 2 people who are MARRIED. It's like being locked down in jail for life with a cell mate who you at first get along really well with, but then after some disagreement and/or a falling out, you have a hard time moving forward--because you can forgive what was said but not necessarily forget. I don't believe in everything being all peaches and cream, and I do recognize that people have to stop being polite and start getting real (especially within an intimate relationship), but I do however believe that people should choose their words wisely.

If I've learned anything from my past relationships though, it's that no matter how they ended I could always walk away with my head held high because I maintained my sense of integrity. It's simply just a matter of respect...for them, but more importantly for me.

Exhale

I release and let go of all past hurts, misunderstandings and grudges because I am abundantly blessed! I recognize them as the illusions they are, and sent from the enemy to kill my spirit, steal my joy, and destroy my faith.

You're Beautiful

As I was sitting in the chair today at the beauty shop getting my hair twisted, my hairdresser's brother entered the shop along with his girlfriend and friend. Kari took one look at his girlfriend from a distance and asked that he send her down so she could figure out "What's going on with her hair?" When she came over I noticed how cute this girl was, she was in a wife beater t-shirt, a sports bra, short cheerleader shorts, and some tennis shoes. In fact, all of the entourage had looked as if they'd just came from working out or taking a few laps around a track. When asked about the status of her hair she replied "Sherry put a weave in it for a photo shoot". And what a weave it was---it was long, black, and wavy. They continued in conversation, and eventually began talking about a party that she (whom I'll refer to as YBF, only because I forgot her name) went to with her boyfriend (Kari's brother- KB). Kari expressed how she heard about what happened at the party. YBF replied, "Oh you did...look at this, this is from the party". YBF proceeded to show Kari and myself scars and bruises that seemed to have slightly healed from this party that she and KB attended. The first thought that came to my mind was "what type of partying were you doing?" As I continued to listen to the conversation, it became obvious that it was some teeny bopper house party they attended where a girl invited a friend, who then invited some of her friends outside of the circle of those who were invited. I guess these "friends" were some unruly chicks who seemed to take pleasure out of starting trouble, and so they began to pick on a girl (a latina) who outwardly looked as if she didn't know anyone. Little did they know when they started beefing with her, that she had a whole room full of allies. One of them being YBF, who quickly came to the defense of her friend, therefore resulting in her getting all scarred up. I just sat there in the chair listening to this story, but I'm sure by the expression on my face this young lady could tell I was in shock because I would've never thought from her mannerisms and her grace that she could be involved in such a scuffle. Not to mention, I wanted to tell her..."girl, you're too beautiful and bright to be getting all caught up in that foolishness." But I didn't have to say a word because Kari said it all when she was telling her that they had no business being out there anyways, and how it ain't nothing new (essentially the same script, different cast)...oh, and they should've been in church instead.

Oh, I left out the fact that after the chicks began scrapping, there were dudes at the party who began to beef as well, only they were threatening to go grab some "fire", or whatever ridiculous term is used to describe guns. Yeah, that is when my mouth was wide open after hearing that...I mean, YBF is a young lady, yet still a kid....if that even makes sense. She expressed how she was really scared after hearing that. I'm thinking to myself "Why even be in such an environment?", and then it dawned on me...she's young, and she wants to have fun---which she said they were all having a great time up until that point. The sad part was when YBF expressed how the girls who started the mess were laughing and smiling, as if they were taking pleasure or kinda got a high from all the mess and drama they were causing. I sat back and thought about that...what kinda life does a person lead or rather lack, that they would take pleasure in someone else's pain? (this is actually 1 of many semptoms of a psycopath). That's when I became sad about the girls. Not necessarily the girls that were picked on, but the girls who were doing the picking as well. Because not only did these girls lack respect for others, but it was so clear that they were lacking self-esteem and love for themselves as well.

That's why I've decided to make sure that when I see someone (male or female) that grabs my eye because of their beauty, I will make sure to let them know...and I will have no shame in doing so, because truth be told you never know what someone is going through, and a simple compliment can do a whole for somebody's self-esteem.

You're Beautiful!

Family Affair

I have a huge smile on my face right now, and there is only 1 thing that can cause such joy in my heart---my family. My father and stepmom are here right now in CA, and when they leave town, 5 days later my mother will be here. Ecstatic doesn't even come close to describing how I feel. Ever since I've been out here, I've been traveling home back and forth, and never once had the 'rents opted to come out here and visit my sister and I. I mean, they'd been threatening to for some time now, but I didn't really think it would happen. I just really LOVE my family, and am so happy for the time that I have with them right now. I LOVE the fact that they remind me of what is important, and that this world out here is not reality. Hell, it's not even home...well, maybe temporarily for the time being. I laugh thinking about how I took my fam on a ride through Hollywood and my father saw a "tall" woman with an extreme tan. "Eww, she looks like she sat in the tanning bed too long, she is burnt. Almost look like an orange!" LOL, that's my father for you, ever the comedian he is. My stepmom took a look at some skinny chick walking down the boulevard and quickly noted "Ooh, we don't have that problem in the south". The problem of anorexia that is, LOL. That's why I LOVE my family, because they have a simple way of putting things in perspective...by simply being themselves, loving me...and allowing me to LOVE them.

Courage & Fear

It's such a small word with such a big meaning. I struggle with it everyday it seems, but by the grace of God my courage seems to grow everyday. I recognize that it is going to allow me to elevate to the next level, in just about every aspect of my life. ..and I can't wait.

Fear seems to be a mere distraction, placed in my path so that I will not fulfill my purpose. It's amazing how things become so clear once you recognize and acknowledge that you were put on this earth for a reason. It really puts life in perspective, and the things that seemed important before, just aren't anymore.

Yes...fear is a mere distraction...an enemy that I am more than willing and able to conquer and overcome.

A Concerned Female

What kind of state are we in today as women where we feel that to have a voice means that we are a threat?

To have an opinion means that one should proceed with caution when in our presence?

To have a mind means that clearly we are doomed in terms of success because our male counterparts who have a lot of “power” can’t compete with those of us who happen to think for ourselves?

Call me a conspiracy feminist, but I believe this has led the drones and their egos to devise a plan in which we will cater to their need and will, and always know our place in their land…after all this is a man’s world.

These chauvinists have conceded us in such a backward thought pattern that we ourselves even attempt to pull one another down because we feel and believe that we actually have to compete with one another.

And for what? For the gentleman who drives the nice Benz, or the CEO of the record company, or even the guy who is the president of his own fashion line?

Seriously ladies, wake up and stop eating the BS that they have been feeding you, because if you spent half as much time and brain power on attaining the knowledge and skills to gain what “he” has and more, you wouldn’t have time to downgrade one another...rather you’d have time to uplift each other in healthy competition.

Think about it, because these mongrels have you content in a position where you will never access your full level of potential and they are reaping all of the benefits of your ignorance.

Stop looking to define yourself by their mediocre standards. You are better than simply bending over shaking it like a saltshaker.

Stop looking for acceptance from someone who can’t accept who you are and won’t allow you to flourish into more than what they've defined you to be.

--j.j.

Limited

A friend recently asked my opinion of the lack of support Senator Obama's getting from other black leaders in his bid for President, and the idea that many of them are siding with Hillary. To him, it's...well "mind blowing" to say the least, and he doesn't understand. He attached an article that focused on how 2 black Senators in S.C. are throwing up their support for Hillary. Now, let me say that without having the details of why they support this woman, I immediately came to the conclusion that these guys are just going with what they know, and I find that a lot of Clinton era individuals are extremely loyal to both Hillary and Bill. Kind of like how things are in the workforce, people hire who they like and know will get the job done. So clearly the same could be applied to this situation. Well, you can imagine my surprise when I read that one of the Senator's reasoning for siding with Hillary wasn't necessarily because he "believes" in her, but that he believes Obama, because he is black, will bring the party down. After reading this statement, I found myself re-reading the article, because I could not believe that this man, whom is black himself, could actually be so limited in his thinking. He himself, whom is also a Senator, went on record and said such a thing. It made me sit back and ponder what will come in the next few months of the campaign for President in '08. I empathize with Obama, a man who seems to be questioned not only by his white counterparts, but also by his black brethren. And I liken the lack of support from the latter with a gut punch to the stomach. It's a shame when people can't look at themselves and see how far they've come, and not apply that same belief and enthusiasm to others. When the senator put his words out there into the atmosphere, he hurt not only Obama, but himself as well. Even if he doesn't believe in Obama, he didn't have to publicly shun him in such an ignorant and limited fashion. All I have to say is if this man's race is the only ammunition you've got to try and stop him from attaining his goal of becoming President, then good luck to you, because luck only is what's going to get you so far, if that.

Mind Blowing

Lord knows I should probably be reading the good book right now, trying to gain more wisdom, insight, and understanding---maybe then my mind would be put at ease. "Mind blowing"---that's the title of a song by a chick from the 90's who went by the name of 'Smoothe'. I always wondered what happened to her, she was pretty bad (so I thought), because she was rapping and singing. And yeah she actually had a real voice, unlike some of these manufactured entertainers today. But, as usual, I digress. My title is the way I've been feeling about a lot of things lately, and thus why I have a lot of questions: How is it that in this "progressive" world we live in, people who do sneaky and backstabbing things, seem to thrive and be rewarded for their actions? How do they even sleep at night? How can someone who yearns for love, not be willing to offer it themselves? How can someone insult you for trying to achieve your dream of being independent and self-sufficient? Is being real a friend who is not? Again, why do assholes continue to succeed and surpass those who are diligent, and hardworking? Why are people threatened by my intelligence, my dilligence, and presence? What the hell does the color of my skin have to do with anything? Why are things that should be so simple, so complicated? Are there even any answers to my questions?

I think there are, and they could be staring me right in the face. I'm just not sure I'm ready to look at them.

Suddenly I felt the urge to create a blog. Why, you ask? Honestly, I'm in need of an outlet to place my thoughts. For about 80% of the day, I am sitting in front of a computer...so why not send out some of the crazy ideas and thoughts that come across my mind into the blogosphere? Lately I've been having some crazy dreams, and feeling somewhat anxious. As if I am behind, or not moving within my full potential...needless to say after looking at this dope website, www.jovanders.com, I realized how correct I am. This was definitely the motivation I needed to stop thinking/talking about it and just do it! So here I am...