Random Thoughts

It's about 3 something in the AM, and I can't sleep. Is this a blessing or a curse? Whatever it is, I have to turn to my computer to focus my attention. The questions that roam my brain are often about the future, mostly in respect to where I am in my career, and the things I want to accomplish, the life I want to live. I want to travel outside of the US so badly. I'm watching an independent film titled Love & Hate, and it seems to take place in England. I want to visit there, and also Italy, and Australia. It would be very ideal if a job could take me there.

You ever get the feeling that you are not living? That's what I am feeling right now. I feel as if there is so much world out there for me to see, and yet my eyes are closed.

(sigh)

Kanyeezee Continued

I am still on a high from yesterday. I went to a taping of Jimmy Kimmel Live to see the one and only Kanye West. Needless to say it was a FABULOUS night! We sat in the greenroom and watched the show, which was cool cause we didn't have to be amongst the crazy crowd---and you get free food and drinks, and on occasion you can spot a celeb or 2. The ones last night were Simon Rex (who?), and some dude who I can't even remember his name (shows how much of an A-lister he is). But by far it was the best taping I've been to. The crazed Brittany Spears fan was the opening segment (shuddering). Interesting is probably the best word to describe his interview, outside of uncomfortable and weird. Kanye's interview was pretty good. His energy in the interview was a little surprising, considering he just sold 400+ thousand albums, and is likely to be crowned #1 on the Billboard charts. He seemed really sad and frustrated. He was still harboring over some BS that went down at the MTV VMA Awards, and mind you Kimmel didn't mention them when he asked the question---Kanye just unabashedly spilled his guts on the subject (this man can talk). I have to say though, after watching him up there talking about how he is an emotional person, etc. I've kinda come to admire him. I mean, yes he is extreme, but the man is passionate about his work, and he works pretty hard to ensure that it comes out in his music. At the end of the day he just wants to be respected, so he says, in every way possible. And while it is unlikely that he will have every body's respect, you can't knock the man for trying.

I always wonder though if folks like that ever get any satisfaction, even after accomplishing what they set out to do?

Kanyeezee!!!!

Religion

Yesterday morning I was watching a news clip online of Juanita Bynum. She was holding a press conference and speaking for the first time of an incident in which her husband brutally attacked her. As I was watching this conference though, I found that I wasn't really moved by anything that she was saying. Like I was trying really, really hard to hear a semblance of realness from the words that were coming out of her mouth...but I didn't hear any. I can quite possibly be a tad jaded, because I do work in the industry, and I have somewhat of an understanding of how the PR game works...but I just imagine that if I were to go through something like that, and had a couple of days to compose myself, then I presented myself in front of the media --- some part of my speech or story would reek with emotion, and I didn't see it at all. By all means I am not judging this woman, and I was mortified like others when I heard what happened. I just wonder if this incident will be her mission for the purpose of furthering God's will...or hers?

Lately I've been tripping about religion and religious folks, and yeah it could be the fact that I haven't been to church in weeks. But I just feel like irresponsible religion causes people to hide a part of who they truly are, and I don't think they benefit or others around them truly benefit.

Who knows, maybe I am the one whose confused.

Resentment

Well, I must say that after a fabulous weekend in ATL for the Labor Day holiday, I was a little resentful of the fact that I had to return to Cali. I became even more resentful throughout the week, as for the one day I had off seemed to have caused me to be behind for the entire week. I feel extremely discombobulated --- I left out the office with my desk looking a hot mess! Not to mention I have alot of things that I didn't get to and need to follow-up on as soon as I get in on Monday. A damn shame...the weekend hasn't even begun, yet already I am thinking about my next work week. (sigh)

So lets reminisce for a moment...the weekend. It was fabulous! My beautiful siSTAR Joelle got married on Saturday. I love going to weddings...not because they put you in that romantic mood, but because they give you hope. Black love is just beautiful, and it's even more awesome when you can see the love spewing from 2 peoples eyes. It's like a feeling of optimism, like "Wow, things like this actually do exist". The wedding was beautiful, and Joelly looked gorgeous. Amazing how so many of us are taking that step. A step that I don't see myself taking until the min. age of 30. (YES, you read correctly)

I partied my ass off this weekend. Man! I haven't partied that hard since my college days. And I have to say, it was GREAT. I recognize that that is what I am missing out here in LA. Everyone seems to be so uptight, do-good, or just plain too old to remember what it meant to have fun. Nobody is loose, or fun...hell---I can't remember when I last laughed so much...oh, that's right, it was this past weekend. Now, I was a tad inebriated...so that quite possibly could've contributed to my joy. However, the mere fact that I was able to drink amongst folks who too were up for a good time was refreshing...it'd been a long long time! And it was so, so much fun.

Yeah, resentful I am...damn. I wonder how long this feeling is going to last?